And I am here now. So really, I need to be present here. I am evaluating, calculating, witnessing.. this is how my construction zone of a head works. Analyze, process, act.
Needless to say, I am in that uncomfortable stage of regression. The stage where I want to tear off my skin and disappear into the ethers, or buy a ticket back to Thailand. Neither of which I can really justify doing because I would just be prolonging the process of my growth.. and I am not into dragging it out. Get in. Get it. And get the fuck out. To progress, we MUST regress. We must look at how far we have come, and process how much further we want to go. WHO do I want to be to this world?
Don't get me wrong, I am not in a crisis, I am just growing. My life has crumbled around me and I still stand erect most days. Though cigarettes, lorazepam and an occasional drink before noon do seem to be staples for this erectness some days. Survival.
I like to run. When I am comfortable I like to scamper off to what is uncomfortable. And when I am uncomfrotable I like to freak out and demand my comforts back. Ever satisfied? Hmmm deeply satisfied with my life, not satisfied with stagnation though. Fuck. That. Shit.
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